We all know that it is, not about a broken vase. Yes. It's all like we make mistake to someone and when we said sorry to them as if we're "fixing the vase", things might be not like how it used to be. Well maybe, if we remain with that person for a longer time, later s/he'll forget about it and things will just alright again.
But sometimes, whenever I did something wrong to someone, and I realize it, and I know that I have to apologize for that—which maybe I did—and yet I know things didn't work like how it used to be before the mistake—I wish to be a stranger again for that one. And the universe will conspires again for us to meet, and then we'll start it again from the very first time like, "Hi, I'm Dinda.", and things will be good and game, and I promise myself for not doing the same mistake again. Ever.
"You're too honest", one said.
Well, I read that personality-thing which said that I'm that kind of person who speak my mind out and always need mouth-filter. Lol what. Yes, probably being blunt is in my blood.
I hate being lied to, lying, white lies (even though I think it's kinda of bullshit for that even exist), or whatever things that have relation with lie. That's maybe why I can't stand it. You know, if at some point I have to lie, soon or later I'll revealed the truth. Being honest is good. And simple. And the important thing is, it is what it is. We don't need to make up a story like what the hell, this is reality. Not a fiction story.
This morning I realized that, yes, being honest is good. But being too honest, and speak something what's on your mind can be a bullet for your own self. For not everyone have a same track mind like you, for not everyone can't stand what's on your mind.
Jadi ceritanya lagi di rumah, terus ngiseng buka blogger.com. DAN YA AMPUN TERNYATA AKU GAK NULIS SELAMA 2 BULAN! 😱
*bersihin sarang laba-laba di pojokan*
Dengan post ini juga aku baru sadar ternyata umur blog ini udah 2 tahun. Whoa! :D
Jadi, hari ini, 13 Desember 2014, adalah H+2nya aku umur 18 tahun. Yeaayyy!!
Malem-malem, 10 Desember 2014, cuman ada bertiga di kamar. Aku, Rahmi, dan Nia. Si Dini udah pergi dari sore. Terus, entahlah gimana ceritanya, si Rahmi dan Nia bilang kalau jam setengah 8 mereka mau ada kumpul UKM gitu.
"Yaaa tega bangetsi kalian ninggalin sendiriii", I said.
"Gue sih gak akan lama, palingan juga sampai jam 9."
"Iya gue juga gak lama kayaknya. Orang kan kemarin udah rapat lama banget."
Ya sebagai anak polos sih gue percaya-percaya aja, ya. Tapi terus..
"Ayo, Mi. Pergi sekarang aja, yuk.." Kata Nia.
"Lho, kalian pergi bareng??"
"Iya, kan soalnya kita arahnya sama ke daerah yang fakultas bisnis sana itu."
Oke...
"Eh Mi, tar lo kalau udah kelar kumpulnya kontak gue ya, bareng aja lagi tar pulangnya.."
"Iya", kata Rahmi.
Terus pas mereka mau pergi, HP Rahmi yang baru—kurang lebih setengah jam—di-charge rencananya ditinggalin gitu sama dia.
"Aih, baru 30-sekian persen. Gue tinggalin aja lah."
"Lho, Mi? Katanya tar mau bareng sama Nia pulangnya? Tar gimana janjiannya?", Gue, beneran nanya dan masih mikir emang mereka mau pergi buat UKM-UKMan.
"Oh iya, ya.."
Berangkatlah mereka pergi. Terus aku sendirian gitu deh di asrama. Dan sebenernya pas itu entahlah kenapa tapi rasanya super ngantuk, tapi tetep aja berusaha melek, gak mau tidur sebelum ada yang pulang. Terus malah flashback.
A year ago, I was a girl who have sooooo many plans in her head.
A year ago, in a villa and a dark room, with so many people, I made my birthday wishes and then blew the candles.
A year ago, in every prayer, I never forgot about mentioning my plans and dreams to God.
And then I realized that the year went by, and I wasn't sit in somewhere-that-I-wished-I-was-there, but I was here, at Telkom University's dormitory. Then I wept.
I'm okay. I didn't understand God's purposes, but I'm okay. There might be a hidden message for everything that been through.
I stopped crying, and then I did a room-cleaning. Things are cool. Life's good.
Jam 9.15 PM, Nia nongol sendirian dengan muka yang mencurigakan. Gue udah kelar beres-beres, dan udah naik ke kasur sambil nengger wifi.
"Gak jadi balik bareng Rahmi?"
"Jadi, si Rahmi tadi ke depan dulu. Eh gue mau ke kamar Happy dulu ah."
Gak lama, si Nia dan Rahmi balik lagi dengan aneh gitu deh hahaha. Eh mereka mah emang suka aneh deng btw. *digiles*
Terus sekilas ngeliat Rahmi kayak naro sesuatu gitu, secara cepet, di kasurnya Nia yang deket pintu. Curiga gitu kan guee hahaha. Tapi ya bodo amatlah.
11 PM, udah pada di kamar semuanya, dan gue masih melek. Ndak bisa tidur.
"Nia ngantuuk? Tidur aja duluu." Kata Rahmi.
Gue, mikir, "Emang mau ngapain? Kok tidur aja dulu? Ah, bodo amat deh, Din.. Ndak usah ngarep disurprise-in hahaha"
Jam 11.30 PM, gue ketiduran. Kayaknya sih gitu.
Subuhnya gue bangun. See, nothing happened here.
Tapi pas gue buka mata, kayak ngeliat si Rahmi gitu lagi berdiri di tengah-tengah kamar. Tapi karena baru buka mata tahap pertama, ya mejem lagi deh hahaha. Tapi ya kuping mah ngedenger kaleee.
"Kipasnya nyalain", entahlah siapa yang bisik-bisik.
Terus bunyilah itu kipas yang suaranya kayak motor. Yha, mana bisa tidur lagi lah kalau udah begini...
Terus si Nia gedor-gedor kamar mandinya gitu deh. Yaudah deh bodo amat, pikir gue. Terus keluarlah si Dini. Dan ngedenger si Nia bisik-bisikan gitu sama Dini. Cuman gatau lah bisikin apaan..
"Bu Din, udah wudhu?", Tanya gue.
"Enggak Din, nanti dulu ah, badan Dini pegel-pegel."
Kaget gue dengernya asli. Ni anak tukang ngingetin sekamar buat sholat, bilang kayak gitu..
"Pegel-pegel kenapa emang?"
"Gak tau ini gak enak badan.."
Terus gak lama si Nia nongol deh dari kamar mandi. Pas gue turun dari kasur, di bawah kasur gue, tempat tidur nia, ada si Rahmi sambil bawa kue yang lilinnya mati satu. X))
GAGAL LO SEMUA BIKIN SURPRISENYA HAHAHA BUT THANKSSS!!!
Itu kan pas hari Kamis, kebetulan ngampus libur hari itu for the sake of 'hari tenang menuju UAS'. Jadi siangnya, kami nonton perdana Supernova: Ksatria, Putri, dan Bintang Jatuh, dehh.
Di jalan, (remember R? Yes, the one in this post), bilang katanya gak jadi pulang ke Indonesia winter ini. Iya, tadinya dia mau pulang, 14 Desember. Dan gak jadi. Due to some passport issue. First time I heard it, I believe it, that I kept myself quiet because I was too mad. I didn't reply any texts or chats or whatever people said on social media, saying 'Happy Birthday', for some hours. But then I think. Terlalu dadakan dan kok nggak ada yang bilang sih? R lying, I know. So I text R, saying, "This just a joke" and stuff.
"No one told you because I haven't told anybody about this. Chillax. There's still summer."
Still, I don't believe it. So I did my life as it should be. Replying the messages and birthday stuff and whatever..
Tapi tadi malem, kata mama sih emang beneran pulangnya ditunda. I don't wanna know for how long. What.
Malemnya, masih 11 Desember, jam setengah 9 udah tidur. Hehehe. Terus kebangun entah jam berapa, ngeread beberapa chat gitu, tapi nggak dibalesin, dan kemudian tidur lagi.
Bangun jam 3, baru nyadar kan semalem ngeread chat-chat gitu. Terus ada di chat Farah-Nining, video youtube. Demi apapun awalnya emang males buka videonya gara-gara kalau buka, pasti lemot deh HPnya, malesin. Tapi terus kan ada chatnya Nining, "Dibuka yah, capek tau buatnya.." Ya akhirnya sih dibuka tuh video. Dan jengjengjeng. YA AMPUN HAHAHA. Kerjaan nih si Farah dan Nining buat kek ginian 😆
THANKSS KALIAN HAHA KAMPRET ITU FOTO LAGI JELEK-JELEKAN BARENG MALAH DICROP JADI MUKA AKU DOANG 😆
Sekian deh birthday storynyaa. You know what? I may not really understand about God's purposes. But, I know that I have to feel relief for all of this. He give me those amazing people around. Many amazing people. There are other people too that I didn't mention their names above. Here, in a new place, I thank Him for whatever things that going on. Couldn't be more happier!
Tadi malam, aku, yang ada di rumah, tiba-tiba ingin ke Sukabirus, lalu terpikir buat ngetweet, "Things that far away is always seems magnificent, isn't it?"
Udah ngetweet gitu terus keinget suatu cerita yang kayaknya aku baca di LKS bahasa Inggris pas SMA atau entahlah dimana pun itu. Here's the story..
A girl lived in a warm, small house. There, she always look outside the window, where a big house stands, and she saw it beautiful that she always wanted to go there. But she was too young, that her parents didn't allowed her to go to anywhere alone. But her curiosity is getting bigger and bigger each day that she escaped from her house and started to wander by herself. As she arrived there, at the big house, she didn't found any big-beautiful-house but it's only a big-ugly-abandoned-house. And from there, she saw a beautiful-small-house. As she walk, approaching that small-beautiful-house, she realized that that house is her home.
Ya kurang lebih gitulah ceritanya.. Terus aku mikir, apa bedanya aku sama the girl in the story? :) I saw that country is stunning as hell, but who knows, right? Idk..Well, this doesn't mean that I don't want to go there anymore. This just meant that I knew that what I have to do right now is just live in today, where I stand right now. Not wondering about what would happen over there, because however, those are only an imagination which sometimes haunt me.
I shouldn't think about future though. Let them be a mystery. Because it really is a mystery. I mean, orang tua yang kena stroke atau kanker atau penyakit jantung hari ini nggak pernah terbayangkan kan pas masa kecilnya atau masa remajanya bahwa dia bakal kena penyakit tersebut? Atau bahkan presiden Indonesia sekarang yang dulunya seorang tukang kayu, apa pernah terpikir di benaknya pas remaja bakal jadi presiden? Atau ya, programmer hari ini, di mana belasan tahun yang lalu mungkin punya cita-cita cliche semacam mau jadi polisi atau dokter atau tentara, gak pernah kan terpikir sebelumnya mau jadi programmer? :)
And that's that, people. I don't know what would happen to me, next 5 years from now, or maybe next year, next month, or even tomorrow.. What I know now is: I'm here as myself right now, and I let God and universe conspire to help me on whatever things that I face in life, and I'll let myself drawn, surrender in His way.
Thanks for reading tho', peeps! See you! ☺
*btw, iya nyadar kok itu tulisan subjeknya ada yang pake aku, gue, dan I. Gak konsisten yehh?? Hahaha. Enjoy the story! *cheers*
