Anne Frank: The Diary Of A Young Girl

So I FINALLY finished read this book 3 days before, after I read it since months ago (I think it was since Ramadan month). It's not like I read it like 1 page/day. But it was all because I was too busy to read it --nah, it's bullshit, ha ha-- the true reason was, I think, the way how Anne described the situation was way too specific. And I actually I got bored in the middle of the story so I was quite lazy to read it. But, hey, don't get me wrong! It is still a good book to read, though. I love how tough this girl named Anne Frank was.

So I picked some lines from this book, and as always, I want to share it with you.


The reason for my starting a diary, it is I have no such real friend.

I have my own views, plans, and ideas, though I can't put it into words yet.

This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But this is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. (Churchill said)

Leave me in peace, let me sleep one night at least without my pillow being wet with tears, my eyes burning, and my head throbbing. Let me get away from it all, preferably away from the world.

After the terrible day yesterday, at last something good again and-- hope. Hope for it to end, hope for peace.

"Go outside, laugh, and take a breath of fresh air," a voice cries within me, but I don't even feel a response any more.

I don't know and I couldn't talk about it to anyone, because then I know I should cry. Crying can bring such relief.

A person can be lonely even if he is loved by many people because he is still not be the "One and Only" to anyone.

Alas, I know it's dull for you, but try to put yourself in my place, and imagine how sick I am of the old cows who keep having to be pulled out of the ditch again.

I made special effort not to look at him too much, because whenever I did, he kept on looking too and then --yes, then-- it gave me a lovely feeling inside, but which I mustn't feel too often.

"Leave me in peace, leave me alone," that's what I'd like to keep crying out all the time.

Don't think I'm in love, because I'm not, but I do have a feeling all the time that something fine can grow up between us, something that gives confidence and friendship.

I didn't want to trust anyone but myself any more.

Go outside, to the fields, enjoy nature and the sunshine, go out and try to recapture happiness in yourself and in God. Think of all the beauty that's still left in and around you and be happy.

I've found that there is always some beauty left --in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you. Look at these things, then you find yourself again, and God, and then you regain your balance. And whoever is happy will make others happy too. He who has courage and faith will never perish in misery!

When shall I finally untangle my thoughts, when shall I find my peace and rest within myself again?

We don't tell each other everything, because we are always together.

Let the end come, even if it is hard; then at least we shall know whether we are finally going to win through or go under.

Stupid people usually can't take it if others do better than they do.

I must have something besides a husband and children, something that I can devote myself to!

I can perfectly well remember that there was a time when a deep blue sky, the song of the birds, moonlight and flowers could never have kept me spellbound.

Alas, the sacrifice was all in vain, as the moon gave far too much light and I didn't dare risk opening a window.

You must work and do good, not be lazy and gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive but work gives satisfaction.

I'll sleep when I'm dead

So it's still one day left 'til I free from this week and school-off for 4 days. Tomorrow is the last day of exam and I haven't touch any book at all, as always.
I don't get this. I slept for like 2 hours this evening after school. And yet I feel sleepy right now. Well it's not only today, but lately I always feel like tired. Idk man, I just feel like this is wrong. I should stay awake more longer.
So some lines from Lately by Ed and Devlin come across my mind..

Sleep is for the living and not a utensil that I require. I swear, I said, that I'll sleep when I'm dead.

And over the time within this maze, I think you'll find you'll never find that peace of mind you seek to find until your dying.

Have you read a sentence that sounds like, "I love sleep cause it makes me forget about pain, problems, stress, everything for a while."? I bet you've read it. Or even if you haven't read it, you just read it in here a few seconds ago, btw. :p

That statement is just true. I often lose myself whenever I sleep. Like I don't even think about school in the morning as I awake. Then I realized that it was 05.45 already. Yepp, I'm late. But in other time, sometimes I feel like I've been awake and ready for school, but really, it was all only a dream. If I'm not wrong, that kind of situation is called 'false awakening'.

The thing is, whenever I sleep, I forget about the world for a while like seriously do you feel me? Whenever I sleep, I always find a peace of mind. For a while. Like I don't have to think about anything. At all.

Kay, back to the topic.

People said, sleep is like a temporary death...

Days ago, I read my religion book for exam's sake. It was all about the dooms day. It said, there'll be a time when people raised from their death and they'll feel like awakened from their sleep.
And it made me think like,
"So if we die, we'll find our peace of mind for a really long time, not for a while? So if we die, we'll forget about the world for a long time, not for a while? So if we die, we'll feel like fully-rested? So if we die, we'll gonna dream forever and stop facing reality in a place we called world? That's awesome."


Here, I'm not gonna talk about what would happen if we raised from our 'sleep' when the time is come. They said, there'll be an eternal life. The true life. Now I wonder whether we need sleep in heaven or even hell. But like I said, I'm not gonna talk about it, it could be a long story, indeed.


Some people said that they scared of death. I don't get why. I mean, wouldn't it beautiful if we finally find our peace of mind? Well, sometimes, I feel like I want to sleep for like forever caused of my over-tired. But I don't think I'm ready for death right now. So much things I haven't done... Yet, death is fate from God. We don't know where, we don't know when.

Insomniac's Diary

Nggg... Mulainya gimana, yak..

Okay, here's the thing.

People said I'm an insomniac. Ada yang bilang, "Gak pernah tidur si Dinda mah." -- Meh, gile aja nggak pernah tidur. Bahkan robot sekali pun butuh tidur dengan cara ngecharge batere. Yang nggak pernah tidur tuh cuman Tuhan, bro.. Ha ha.
So here's the question: Insomnia itu apaan, sih?
According to id dot wikipedia dot org, "Insomnia adalah gejala kelainan dalam tidur berupa kesulitan berulang untuk tidur atau mempertahankan (untuk tidak) tidur walaupun ada kesempatan untuk itu"
And according to at blogdokter,

In my case, yes, literally I'm an insomniac. Secara sengaja dan gak sengaja. Gimana, ya... Kalau kata blogdokter insomnia itu kurang tidur, berarti aku ini 'gak sengaja' insomnia, dong? Maksudnya gini. Misal aku tidur jam 2 malem dan bangun jam 9 pagi, yang berarti aku dapet tidur yang cukup, berarti aku nggak insomnia dong? Iya kan? Dan kalau aku tidur jam 2 malem terus bangun jam 5 subuh karena harus sekolah, itu namanya 'kepaksa' insomnia, yes? Ya, mungkin.

Kedua. Menurut wikipedia, "... kesulitan berulang untuk tidur..." Kesulitan berulang untuk tidur? Iya, kadang. Itu juga karena udah terbiasa sama siklus tidur. Kemarin aku tidur jam 2 malem. Hari ini, semua kerjaan aku udah beres lebih awal dan aku bisa tidur jam 1 malem. So I lie down on my bed. I close my eyes. And I can't sleep. Otak aku udah ke set buat tidur jam 2 malem. Ujung-ujungnya? Tidur kepaksa. Gak nyenyak. Iya, aku tutup mata. Iya, mungkin yang aku liat itu mimpi. Tapi, aku sadar. Otak aku masih jalan. Aku bisa buka mata kapan aja dan sadar kalau aku lagi mimpi. Such a lucid dream, eh? Sure, maybe. Dan beneran, deh. Kayak gitu tuh lebih cape. It's an in-between situation. Gak tau tidur, gak tau enggak.
"...mempertahankan (untuk tidak) tidur walaupun ada kesempatan untuk itu." Ini yang lumayan sering. Kalau di lyricnya Insomniac's Lullaby by Ed Sheeran, sih..

And I can’t sleep although I think I can
It’s insomnia I think I have
But who cares when I’m not your man?

Ed kena insomnia gara-gara galau gak jadi pacar seseorang. Gue kena insomnia gara-gara nunda tugas yang bejibun. Beda.. agak tebel sih.. Ya terus maksudnya nulis gini apaan? Tau deh hahaha.

Tapi asli deh. Ada kalanya aku kecapean dan jam 10 malem udah ngantuk, tapi gak boleh tidur. Masih ada tugas yang belum dikerjain. Ya akhirnya begadang dan insomnia lagi, lagi, dan lagi. Dan lyric dari Lately by Ed Sheeran and Devlin tuh pas banget buat ngedeskripsiin situasinya:

although my blood shot whites and iris's they never find any
clock stops at times where the sun shine can blind many
although my eyes are heavy, they won't be closing soon
cos i know that time waits for nobody, I suppose it's true

overworking, no sleep is just another way to die slow

but i'll just keep going strong as ever, never let my eyes close

I never sleep when trouble steals thoughts from a restless mind for free

I keep my pupils engaged, like a classroom in holy matrimony but i'm only trying to stay awake.

Dan kalau pagi-pagi datang, alarm nyala, pertanda buat sekolah, line yang pasnya, ya

Jet lagged eyes are begging for an hour to sleep

Muahaha. 

Oke, balik lagi ke masalah insomnia.. Questions for myself;

Jadi, kalau insomnianya kepaksa, kamu benci insomnia dong, Din? 

Emmm... Enggak juga. Ya kalau kata lyricnyanya Homeless by (lagi-lagi) Ed Sheeran, sih:

I haven’t slept for the past week

Two hours ain’t enough for me

I feel inspired, at quarter to three am

Bener banget tuh. Best ideas comes on a late night. Kadang aku lebih bisa mikir kalau malem-malem. Rata-rata orang di rumah tidur jam 11 malem. Bahkan mungkin jam 12. Di sini keadaan dimana TV udah mati. Keadaan sunyi. Tenang. Nyaman dan damai. Cuman ada aku dan musik dengan volume secukupnya dari speaker komputer. Di sini aku bisa fokus. Dan mungkin ketika harus nyari ide, ide-ide tengah malem tuh selalu datang *cling* gitu aja, entah darimana. 

Entah ini cuman perasaan aku atau emang beneran, tapi serius deh. Aku bego banget sama yang namanya kimia. Beberapa minggu yang lalu, aku kerjain kimia tengah malem, baca-baca dari contoh, tanpa guru, dan bisa nyelsain, sekitar 35 dari 40 soal. 

Kalau siang-siang? Terlalu banyak keributan dan gangguan-gangguan lainnya. Katanya, buat fokus tuh, internet harus dimatiin. Setuju deh sama orang yang bilang. Tapi tetep. Yang namanya udah kecanduan internet, data tuh selalu nyala. Dan akhirnya? Ketika gak bisa, aku pilih buat nanya ke orang via whatsapp kek, sms, atau apapun itu yang akhirnya aku minta (mungkin) jawaban dari soal-soalnya. Tapi kalau tengah malem? Duh, mau nanya siapa coba? Orang-orang kan udah pada tidur. Mbak kunti? Gak yakin deh si Mbak Kunkun masih inget gimana cara ngereaksiin larutan atau ngeintegralin suatu fungsi. Ya akhirnya sih, aku ngulik sendiri gimana cara nyelesain soal itu. Dari sinilah aku bener-bener belajar.

Dan karena ini... Ini alesan kenapa aku cinta buat jadi seorang insomnia. I enjoy it and I figuratively addicted for being an insomniac.

Terus, kalau gak benci insomnia, kenapa kadang suka kesel sendiri karena kurang tidur?

Here's the thing. I love staying up on a late night, and I'll regret it on every early morning so that just make me hate some kind of things. I hate morning. I hate alarm. I hate school. I hate everything.

Wake Me Up by (of course, again) Ed Sheeran sounds like, "Maybe I'm just in love when you wake me up." 

That's just bullshit. No one loved for being awakened from a good sleep. But really, I love Ed. (?)

Tiap pagi. Pertanyaan dan pernyataan semacam, "Kenapa sih harus bangun?", "Oh shut up alarm, SNOOZ! I don't want to get up this early." Dan akhirnya telat.

Jadi intinya, aku cinta buat tidur larut malem. Tapi aku benci bangun pagi. 

Apa aku ngantuk di aktivitas siang? Iya, aku ngantuk di sekolah.

Apa aku tidur di kelas? Sering nyoba tidur kalau gak ada guru, tapi gak bisa. Terlalu ribut dan posisi duduk... Hell no.

Jadi? Jadi aku 'bayar' tidurnya pas pulang sekolah. Dan ini malah bikin siklus tidur tambah buruk. Dan aku benerin siklusnya setiap weekend. Kalau di hari biasa, aku 'bayar' tidur pas sore-sore, kalau pas weekend, sore-sore tuh gak aku pake buat tidur, tapi malemnya tidur lebih awal. 

Apa weekend ngebantu ngebenerin siklus? Enggak juga. Karena tetep. Pas hari kerja, pasti ada saat di mana aku harus bangun tengah malem dan ngelembur.

Masalah kamu jadi ngelembur tuh apaan, sih? Tugas kamu sama siswa lainnya pasti sama, dong? Mereka gak begadang kayak kamu, kan? 

Iya, tugas aku sama tugas anak lainnya sama. Yang bedain sih cuman penempatan 'prioritas' aku dan procrastination atau 'penundaan'. Prioritas bagi aku tuh bukan cuman tugas sekolah. Kebiasaan rutinitas juga termasuk prioritas. Contohnya? Main game. He he he. Penundaan. Semua orang pasti ngerti kan apa itu penundaan...

Duh, tapi tau kan resikonya jadi insomnia? 

Oh iya, dong. Semua hal itu punya dampak. Termasuk insomnia. Aku tau resiko-resikonya dari mulai kegemukan sampai sakit jantung.

Okay, udah dulu. But let me clear something. Aku cinta tidur. Aku ingin punya tidur 7 jam setiap hari. Tapi aku cinta begadang. Dan aku bisa ngelakuin begadang + tidur 7 jam itu cuman di weekend. That is why I love weekend that much.  Di workday juga mungkin bisa. Tapi kalau aku pengangguran. Tapi kan aku pelajar. Jadi? Ya jalanin aja~ ☺